how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
