I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
