i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize