i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
