I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
