So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The Olympian is in my bed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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