D3 body, D1 cock
I think my vagina is haunted
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
