Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
