Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
