Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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