dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
