just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
