If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
