Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
