The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
