so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
