I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
