when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
