She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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