Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
