she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
