I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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