Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
