That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the liver wants what the liver wants
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
