apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
