oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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