A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
