I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
