I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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