Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize