Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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