i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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