dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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