dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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