I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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