I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
