so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
