Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
