he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
