If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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