You can't special order awesome
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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