i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
