Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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