i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
