is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
