her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
