had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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