Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
