I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
