you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
