I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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