Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
