we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
