i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
