there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i dont even know how to be here
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
