shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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