Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
