You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
