The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
