he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
