She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am naked and annoyed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
