two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
