Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
