I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
