i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize